I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
