Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
