somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
