I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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