so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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