I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My balls are so social today.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
