Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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