So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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