ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
