so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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