Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
