walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
