So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
