Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
