I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
