Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Princesses don't give blow jobs
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
