The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
