Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
