then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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