pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We left the knife in your bed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
