Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
