I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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