What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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