How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
