I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
