and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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