I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize