No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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