Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
