Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
