i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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