eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
