I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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