the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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