You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
