So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
