Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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