I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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