youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
