Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
