she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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