If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize