your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
