my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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