ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
