we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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