currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
