i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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