apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
