I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I still have a little drunk in my system
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
