i would punch a child for taco bell
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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