just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize