my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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