I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
