I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
