when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There r osticjed everywhere
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
