Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
