Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
