I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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