Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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