Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
