shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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