I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she peed on how many people?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
