he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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