I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
