Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
