help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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