Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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