Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize