well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
