We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
