Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
