hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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