Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
