if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
