Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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