The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
