I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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