out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
