I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
