GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Terrible idea I love it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
