I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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