Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
