So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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