i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
