We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
