My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
