took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
