My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
