I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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