He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
