so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
