I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize