I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
