And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
