God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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