Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
