he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
