we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
