Can Purell be used as lube?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
