you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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