So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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